Funnies

--> Swedish only

 

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by istlef but the wrod as a wlohe.

 

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Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical, only to find out that she's pregnant. She is furious. Here she is about to run for Senator of New York and this has happened to her.

She calls the White House, gets Bill on the phone, and immediately starts screaming:
"How could you have let this happen? With all that's going on right now, you go and get me pregnant!

How could you???!!! I can't believe this! I just found out that I am five weeks pregnant and it's all your fault!! YOUR FAULT!! Well, what do you have to say???"

There is nothing but dead silence on the other end of the phone.

She screams again, "DID YOU HEAR ME?"

Finally, Bill says, in a very, very low whisper, "Who is this?

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Maybe you know who this guy is...the message got forwarded to me from some friends of mine (who went to Ithaca College)

What was the worst date you ever had? I bet it doesn't compare to this one. Cross my heart this happened to someone. This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to school at Ithaca College.

For two years, he has wanted to ask a certain girl (who is also from Westchester and also goes to Ithaca) out on a date, but has never had the courage. Finally, one day over the summer,he sees her at home and musters up the courage to ask her out. She accepts, and they make dinner plans for Saturday night.

Friday night, this guy goes out with all of his buddies, and drinks like Prohibition is coming back. Saturday, he is in such bad shape that he can't make it through twenty minutes without either throwing up or using the bathroom. After several hours of this, he is able to stop throwing up, but he is still running to the toilet every 20 minutes. He doesn't want to cancel the date, because he's afraid he won't ever talk to her again.

So they meet in Westchester, and take the train to New York City (about a 30 minute ride). They get to the restaurant, and he excuses himself during the appetizers to use the bathroom.

They enjoy the rest of the appetizers without interruption, but he has to go back again during the entrees.

They decide to get dessert. During dessert, our hero feels another rumbling, but doesn't want to look like a complete bathroom freak, so he holds it. After a few minutes, the rumbling subsides, but he still has a bit of gas stored up. He decides to let this little bit of gas fly right there at the table (discreetly, of course). Unfortunately, this little bit of gas came with another little surprise. "Oh crap," he thinks (and feels).

Instead of running to the bathroom right away, our hero immediately leans on the arms of his chair to keep from sitting on this surprise. He maintains this yoga position for the rest of dessert,trying to figure out what to do before his tan pants (a) start to smell, or (b) start to show stains on the outside.

He quickly pays for dinner and they leave the restaurant. Oh, by the way, he is walking like a cowboy.

On the way to the train station, they pass the Gap.

"Do you mind if I run in and buy a sweater that I was looking at last week?" he asks. "No problem, I'd like to look around too," she replies.

They go into the Gap. Fortunately, at the Gap, men's fashions are on the right, women's fashions are on the left. They split up. Our hero grabs the first sweater within reach, and hurries back to the khakis.

After selecting a pair that most closely resemble his current outfit, he brings both items to the register. His eyes are on his date (still on the other side of the store) to make sure that she doesn't see him buying the pants. He doesn't even want the sweater, so he says through clenched teeth (just in case his date can read lips from 40 feet away)

"Just the pants."

"What?" asks the Gap girl.

"Just the pants!" (Eyes still trained on his date.)

Gap girl: "Oh, OK." He pays for the pants and walks over to his date, then they leave the store. They board the train just before it leaves the station and find their seats in the middle of the car. Without sitting down, our hero excuses himself and walks to the bathroom in the back of the car.

He gets to the Bathroom as the train departs, and quickly rips off his pants and boxer shorts. He rolls them into a ball and throws them out the window.

After cleaning himself off, he opens the Gap bag and pulls out ...

Just the sweater.

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A timeless lesson on how consultants can make a difference to organizations...

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange, but I ignored it.

However, when the busboy brought out water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket, then looked around the room and shirt saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?" "Well," he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired XYZ Consulting experts in efficiency, in order to revamp all our processes.

After several months of statistical analysis, they concluded that customers drop their spoons 73.84% more often than any other utensil.

This represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are prepared to deal with that contingency, we can reduce
the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per< shift."

As luck would have it I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare spoon. "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now."

I was rather impressed.

The waiter served our main course and I continued to look around. I then noticed that there was a very thin string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same type string hanging from their flies.

My curiosity got the better of me and before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"

"Oh, certainly!" he answered, lowering his voice.

"Not everyone is as observant as you. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the restroom."

"How so?" I asked.

"See," he continued, "by tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out over the urinal without touching it and that way eliminate the need to wash the hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent."

"Okay, that makes sense, but...if the string helps you get it out, how do you put it back in?"

"Well," he whispered, lowering his voice even further, "I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon."

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System Problems

 

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon

noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.

I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

Thanks, A Troubled User.

______________________________________

 

REPLY:

 

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an

OPERATING SYSTEM

and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!!

It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0.

It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support.

I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0

! WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,

Tech Support

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A little boy about 12 years old was walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of a whorehouse. He knocked on the door, and the madam came to answer it, saw him and asked what he wanted. He said he wanted what she was selling inside, had the money to buy it, and wasn't leaving until he got it. She told him to come in.

Once he got in, she told him to pick one of the girls he liked; he asked her if any of the girls had any diseases, and of course the madam said no. But he said he'd heard that all the men were talking about having to go to the hospital and get shots after making love with Mable, and THAT was the girl he wanted, and that he had the money to pay for it.

The madam told him to go upstairs, and go to the first room on the right. So he headed down the hall dragging the frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back down, still dragging the frog. He paid the madam, and headed out the door, at which time the madam stopped him and asked him just why he picked the only girl she had in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others.

He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. When they leave, I'm going to screw the baby-sitter, who happens to be very fond of cute little boys, and give her the disease that I just caught.

When mom and dad get back, dad will take the baby-sitter home, and on the way he'll jump her bones, and he'll catch it.

When dad gets home, he and mom will go to bed, they'll make love, and mom will catch it. In the morning when dad goes to work the milkman will deliver the milk, and he'll have a quickie with mom, and he'll catch it, and HE'S the son-of-a-bitch that ran over my FROG...!"

 

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ONE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning...the wife (undoubtedly blonde) picked up the phone, listened a moment, and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.

The husband said, "Who was that?"

The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."

TWO
Two blondes are walking down the street; one notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

THREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door, she finds him in the arms of a redhead. She opens her purse to take out the gun and as she does so, is overcome with grief, so she takes the gun and puts it to her own head. Her boyfriends yells "No honey, don't do it!" The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

FOUR
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." Her friend says, "O.K., what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh that's easy, W!"

FIVE
What did the blonde say to her doctor when he told her that she was pregnant??? "Is it mine?"

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A man brought a very limp dog into the veterinary clinic. As he lay the dog on the table, the doctor pulled out his stethoscope, placing the receptor on the dog's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, but your dog has passed away."

"What?" screamed the man. "How can you tell? You haven't done any testing on him or anything. I want another opinion!"

With that, the vet turned and left the room. In a few moments, he returned with a Labrador Retriever. The Retriever when right to work, sniffing the poor dog on the table and checking him out thoroughly. After a considerable amount of sniffing, the Retriever sadly shook his head and said "Bark". The veterinarian then took the Labrador out and returned in a few moments with a cat, who walked around the poor dog several times and then sadly shook his head and said, "Meow." He then jumped off the table and ran out of the room.

The veterinarian said, "There's nothing more I can do" and handed the man a bill for $600. The dog's owner went postal. "$600! Just to tell me my dog is dead? This is outrageous!"

The vet shook his head sadly and explained. "If you had taken my word for it, it would have been $50, but with the Lab work and the cat scan..."

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An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing. Forty-five years of misery is enough."
"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up the phone.

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts. "I'll take care of this." She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man. "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing. DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up the phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "they're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own fares. Now what do we tell them for Christmas?"

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A 2nd grade teacher decides to teach sex ed. to her class. She starts out by drawing a penis on the chalk board and asks the class, "Does anyone know what this is?"

And little Johnny says, "Yes, my dad has 2 of them!"

And the teacher says, "Are you sure about that?"

And little Johnny says, "Yes, he uses a small skinny one to go to the bathroom, and a big long one to brush the babysitter's teeth."

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Subject: College course for men only
(Editorial Note: This has to have been written by an angry female!)

For those of you who are married, were married, or are contemplating marriage - under the assumption that men need (or ought) to be trained for marriage ....

TWO YEAR DEGREE

A new two-year degree is being offered at the University that many of you should be interested in: Becoming a Real Man. That's right, in just six mini-mesters, you, too, can be a real man as well as earn a MA degree (Male Arts). Please take a moment to look over the program outline.

FIRST YEAR:

Autumn Schedule:
MEN 101 Combating Stupidity
MEN 102 You, Too, Can Do Housework
MEN 103 PMS-Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
MEN 104 We Do Not Want Sleazy Under things for Christmas

Winter Schedule:
MEN 110 Wonderful Laundry Techniques
MEN 111 Understanding the Female Response to Getting in at 4 am
MEN 112 Parenting: It Doesn't End with Conception
EAT 100 Get a Life, Learn to Cook
EAT 101 Get a Life, Learn to Cook II
ECON 001A What's Hers is Hers

Spring Schedule:
MEN 120 How NOT to Act Like a Buttface When You're Wrong
MEN 121 Understanding Your Incompetence
MEN 122 YOU, the Weaker Sex
MEN 123 Reasons to Give Flowers
ECON 001C What Was Yours is Hers

SECOND YEAR:

Autumn Schedule:
SEX 101 You CAN Fall Asleep without It
SEX 102 Morning Dilemma: If It's Awake, Take a Shower
SEX 103 How to Stay Awake After Sex
MEN 201 How to Put the Toilet Seat Down

Elective) (See Electives Below)

Winter Schedule:
MEN 210 The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
MEN 211 How to Not Act Younger than Your Children
MEN 212 You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver
MEN 213 Honest, You Don't Look Like Tom Cruise
MEN 230A Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important

Spring Schedule:
MEN 220 Omitting %&*! from Your Vocabulary (Pass/Fail Only)
MEN 221 Fluffing the Blanket After Farting Is Not Necessary
MEN 222 Real Men Ask for Directions
MEN 223 Thirty Minutes of Begging is NOT Considered Foreplay
MEN 230B Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important 2

Course Electives:
EAT 101 Cooking with Tofu
EAT 102 Utilization of Eating Utensils
EAT 103 Burping and Belching Discreetly
MEN 231 Mothers-in-law
MEN 232 Appear to Be Listening
MEN 233 Just Say "Yes, Dear"
ECON 001C Cheaper to Keep Her

Just a thought for all the women out there. MENtal illness, MENstrual cramps, MENtal breakdown, MENopause, GUYnocologist (poetic spelling) Ever notice how all of women's problems start with men? ..and when we have real trouble, it's a HISterectomy.

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Subject: Be on the lookout

I thought all the guys should be aware of this. I've fallen victim to this scam several times myself.

DATE RAPE DRUG TARGETS MALES
(URP) - Police warn all male clubbers, party-goers, and unsuspecting pub regulars to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman.

A new date rape drug on the market, called "beer," is used by females to target unsuspecting men. The drug is generally found in liquid form, and is now available almost anywhere.

"Beer" is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them.

Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of "beer" and then simply ask him home for no-strings-attached sex.

Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several "beers" men will often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts on horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted.

After drinking "beer," men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that something bad occurred.

At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings in a familiar scam known as "a relationship." Apparently men are much more susceptible to this scam after "beer" is administered and sex is offered by the predatory female.

Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. However, if you fall victim to this insidious "beer" and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected, like-minded guys. For the support nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the yellow pages.

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PROVERB:

For a woman sex is like a snowfall,
You never know how many inches you might get,
and you don't know how long it's going to last.

 

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One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to kiss each other goodnight, the guy starts feeling a little horny. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her "Darling, would you give me a blowjob?"

Horrified, she replies "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"

"Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"

"No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"

Horny as hell he says, "Oh please, please, I love you so much!"

"No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!"

"Oh yes you can. Please?"

Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's little sister shows up in her pajamas, and in a sleepy voice she says:

"Dad says to go ahead and give him a blowjob. Otherwise I can do it. Or if need be, Dad says he can come down himself and do it. But for God's sake tell the asshole to take his fucking hand off the intercom!"

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Neighbours:
A Trini is having breakfast one morning; coffee, croissants, bread, butter & jam when a Guyanese man, chewing gum, sits down next to him.

The Trini ignores the Guyanese who, nevertheless starts a conversation:

Guyanese: "You Trini folks eat the whole bread?" Trini (in a bad mood): "Of course." Guyanese: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In Guyana, we only eat what's inside. The crust, we collected in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to the Trinis."

The Guyanese has a smirk on his face and the Trini listens in silence. The Guyanese persists: "Do you eat jelly with the bread??"

Trini: "Of Course." Guyanese: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We don't. In Guyana we eat fresh fruit for breakfast,then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jelly and jam and then sell them to the Trinis."

The Trini then asks: "Do you have sex in Guyana?" Guyanese: "Why of course we do", the Guyanese says with a big smirk. Trini: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?" Guyanese: "We throw them away, of course." Trini: "We don't. In Trinidad, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to Guyana."

 

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Them blonds.......

It was Postman Pat's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the post through all kinds of weather to the same neighbourhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route, the whole family here greeted him. They all hugged and congratulated him and sent him on his way with a gift cheque for £500.

At the second house they presented him fine Cuban cigars in an 18-carat gold box.

The people at the third house handed him a case of 30-year old Scotch whisky.

At the fourth house a dumb blonde in her lingerie met him at the door. She took him by the arm and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate sex he had ever experienced. When he had had enough they went downstairs, where the dumb blonde fixed him a giant breakfast of eggs, bacon, tomatoes, sausages, fried bread, mushrooms, and freshly squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a five pound note sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.

"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the fiver for?"

"Well," said the dumb blonde, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, 'Fuck him. Give him a fiver'. -The breakfast was my idea!"

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************************************
The following text, written by Charles Godfray, was originally published in the African journal Kenya Birds.

>>Forwarded to me by Bertil Johansson<<

************************************

The advanced Greenbul Guide

Olive Greenbul (Andropadus olivacea) - Olive back, olive wings, olive throat, olive belly; eye colour: olive.

Olive-throated Greenbul (Andropadus olivacerrimi) - Similar to the Olive Greenbul but with a more Olive throat.

Olivebacked Olive-throated Greenbul (Andropadus olivacissimus) - Similar to the Olive Greenbul and the Olive-throated Greenbul but easily differentiated by the distinctive extra oliveness on the back.

The Greenbul's Greenbul (Andropadus olivaceaperfecta) - Similar to the preceding species but distinguished by a special quality to its oliveness that renders this bird that other Greenbul's aspire to. Song distinctive but unknown.

Rueppell's Crimson Greenbul (Andropadus ruppelli) - Olive back, olive wings, olive throat, olive belly; eye colour: olive. Named after Otto Rueppell, the famous colour-blind German ornithologist.

Harlequin Just-joking Greenbul (Andropadus pseudotechnicolor) - Distinguished by the absence of bright red and blue markings, or indeed of markings in any colour other than olive. Voice similar to Olive Greenbul, but more so.

Prigogine's Ground Greenbul (Andropadus intoxicata) - A Kibae Forest endemic, recorded by Prigogine from a single specimen that drowned itself in a jerrycan of tonton late one night. Unfortunately the specimen was not recovered the next day but Prigogine's description is of an olive greenbul with four eyes, two beaks and four wings. Known vocalisations: a soft splashing sound.

Mimic Greenbul (Andropadus bananarama) - Olive back, olive wings, olive throat, olive belly; eye colour: olive. most easily recognised by its ability to mimic every other bird in the forest. If you hear a trogon or a cuckoo but on looking through your binoculars see an olive-coloured greenbul, it is probably this species (or possibly one of the above).

Monkey-eating Olive Greenbul (Andropadus circopithephagus) - Olive back, olive wings, olive throat, olive belly; eye colour: olive; weight 24 kg.

Myopic Greenbul (Andropadus spectabilis) - Olive back, olive wings, olive throat, olive belly; eye colour: olive.A bird that often flies directly towards ornithologists who are using binoculars and which, in the few seconds before impact, can be confused with a distant Monkey-eating Olive Greenbul. A relative of the extinct Toro-toro Olive Kamikazi Greenbul.

Miserable Greenbul (Andropadus suicidis) - Similar to the Joyful Greenbul, but altogether more olive and with a droning song. Creeps about in low growth, especially in depressions.

Greenbul cisticola (Cisticola andropadus) - Olive back, olive wings, olive throat, olive belly; eye colour: olive. Thought to be an Olive Greenbul until December 1993 when a DNA sample analysed by Sibley & Ahlquist conclusively proved it to be a warbler in the genus Cisticola, genetically very close to Chubb's Cisticola.

Chubb's Cisticola Greenbul (Andropadus cisticola) - Upperparts dark brown, slightly russet on head, with ill defined streaking; below grey, paler on the throat. Thought to be a Chubb's Cisticola until December 1993 when a DNA sample analysed by Sibley & Ahlquist conclusively proved it to be a Greenbul in the genus Andropadus, genetically very close to the Olive Greenbul.

Red-creasted greenbul (Andropadus confusata) - The olive greenbul with a red crest illustrated by Swilliams (see A Rather Vague Field Guide to Birds of East Africa, plate 26 - the illustration of a brown bird with a bluish crest) is of the now extinct Pemba Island race. the nominate mainland race is similar except that it lacks the red crest and is completely olive (Note: the other greenbuls discussed in this guide are either ignored by Swilliams or treated as allied species of the Red-creasted Greenbul, with the exception of the Olive-throated Greenbul which appears as an allied species of the Variable Sunbird).

Lumberjack Greenbul (Andropadus timberi) - A rare olive greenbul with a distinctive male song that resembles a muffled chain saw. This is thought to be a sexually-selected signal of male quality, since females fly long distances to sacrifice themselves hopelessly to real chain saws. An endagered species now, only existing in the centre of large tracts of undisturbed forest.

Operatic Greenbul (Andropadus puccini) - Another olive greenbul with a distinctive song, which resembles the first 24 bars of 'Nessun dorma'. Can be confused with the Mimetic Greenbul but only the present species responds to shouts of "Encore!". Two related extraimital species are the Wagner's Greenbul, which has a shrieking song delivered from a high perch continuously for up to four hours, and Stockhausen's Greenbul, which has an unusual song reminiscent of defective plumbing.

 

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För några veckor sedan föreslog kanadensiska forskare att män borde se över sin ölkonsumtion med tanke på resultatet från en nyligen gjord undersökning, som visar att öl innehåller kvinnliga könshormoner!

Slutsatsen forskarna har dragit av detta är att män som dricker mycket öl "förvandlas" till kvinnor. För att se om detta stämde gjorde forskarna följande test: 100 män fick dricka vardera 6 st 50 cl ölglas. Det visade sig mycket riktigt att 100% av männen:

A) Gick upp i vikt

B) Pratade överdrivet mycket och utan vettigt innehåll

C) Blev överdrivet emotionella

D) Inte kunde köra bil

E) Inte klarade av att tänka rationellt

F) Skulle argumentera över minsta lilla sak

G) Vägrade be om ursäkt när de hade fel

Man planerar inga fler undersökningar

 

~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ (SWEDISH 2) ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ -

Detta kedjebrev startades av potenta män - som du - för att göra ditt sexliv ännu mer fantastiskt. I motsats till normala kedjebrev, så kostar detta ingentig alls. Du kan bara vinna!!!

Vidaresänd helt enkelt detta mail till sju av dina bästa vänner som är lika potenta och virila som du är. Därefter bedövar du din fru/flickvän eller sambo och stoppar henne i en stor kartong (kom ihåg lufthål) och skickar kartongen per post till den som står först på adresslistan.

Snart står ditt namn överst på listan och du kommer att mottaga 823'543 kvinnor per post. Enligt den statistiska >>normalfördelningsteorin kommer det bland dessa finnas minst:

> 0.5 Fröken Sverige
> 2.5 modeller
> 463 vilda nymfomaner
> 3'234 attraktiva nymfomaner
> 20'198 multiorgasmistider
> 40'198 bisexuella kvinnor

Det blir summasummarum 64.294 kvinnor, som helt enkelt är hetare, mer öppetsinnade och läckra än den gamla sura kärring som du just har skickat iväg med posten. Och det bästa är att den den gamla kärringen garanterat inte är en bland dem du mottager.

> > > BRYT INTE KEDJAN UNDER NÅGRA OMSTÂNDIGHETER.
En snubbe som bara skrev till 5 i stället för 7 vänner fick förleden den gamla kärringen retur med posten, fortfarande iförd den ankellånga morgonrock i ull, hon var iklädd då hun blev ivägskickad , samt plågad av långvariga migränanfall och ett pinat ansiktsuttryck.

Samma dag flyttade den internationella supermodellen - som han hade bott tillsammans med sedan flickvännen skickades iväg - in hos hans bästa polare (som han inte hade skrivit till!)

Medan jag har vidaresänt denna mail har den man som står sex platser ovan mig på listan redan mottagit 837 kvinnor och ligger nu på sjukhuset med svåra symptom på överansträngning. Utanför hans sjukrum väntar redan ytterligare 452 kartonger.

> > > DU MÅSTE LITA PÅ DETTA MAIL!
Det är en enastående möjlighet för att få ett acceptabelt sexliv. Inga dyra middagsinvitationer, inga timslånga samtal om trivialiteter (som bara intresserar kvinnor) bara för att få henne med på att ha sex. Inga förpliktelser och ingen sur svärmor och inte heller några obehagliga överraskningar som tal om bröllop eller förlovning. Tveka därför inte utan skicka redan idag detta kedjebrev till 7 av dina bästa vänner.
PS. Har du ingen kvinna så skicka en dammsugare i stället, det är ju samma princip (när den inte suger mera så byter du ut det gamla schabraket.)